Monday, March 22, 2010
Well it's been a rough week. On top of my lack luster performance over the weekend, Monday afternoon I found out that I didn't get the job at Heritage Valley. I sort of ended up having a little meltdown in the middle of work. Luckily Chris was the only one to witness it. I just need out of this job. I hate getting up in the morning and coming into work. I have never felt that way about a job before in my life but I do now. Sunday nights I'm actually making myself sick because I dread going back to work Monday mornings. I really think that this job is the reason I had that ulcer last fall. I mean really why else would a healthy 27 year old end up with an ulcer? I'm just so sick of coming into work here and getting a ton of crap dumped on me while certain other people do absolutely nothing. And then like I don't have enough to do already I get all kind of other work dumped on me. I don't have time to do it all!
It's just all getting to be too much for me. I hate this job, I make no money. I get no recognition for any of the work I do. And of course we're not getting raises again this year. But everything is going to go up. Benefits are going to cost more. So basically as off July 1st I'll be taking a pay cut. I just can't do it. I'm barely getting by as it is. I can't do it on less money. And like I'm looking for other jobs, but there's nothing out there that I can do. All the HR jobs are either director of HR or HR secretary. I'm either not qualified or way over qualified. Not to mention HR secretary jobs pay next to nothing. It's all just so frustrating!
So Monday after work I headed out to the barn. Always good for cheering me up. I had a nice ride on X. He must have know I wasn't in the best mood cause he was a perfect gentleman for me. I still wasn't feeling really great so I tacked Kaye up and rode her a little bit as well. I have to say there's something very calming about a dressage ride in the near dark. It was after 7 at this point, and it was getting pretty dark, but I didn't really feel like turning the arena lights on. I wasn't jumping and I know where everything is, so I wasn't worried about running into anything. Jade and Annie were happily munching away on hay so they left us alone. Kaye was so good for me. We had a great dressage ride, worked on some canter transitions and attempted to work on lengthening the canter (as needed in the Training A test) It was just all very calming and made me feel a whole lot better.
Of course that was all ruined when I got out to my car and checked my voice mail. I called my mom back, big mistake! I tried to explain things to her. And she was basically just like well keep looking. And then she tells me that I can't quit my job until I have another one. No shit Mother! Like I don't know that! I'm trying to tell her how unhappy I am. I'm making myself sick with the thought of going to work every week and it's just like she doesn't care! Seriously I should have known better than to try talking to her.
Hopefully things will get better this week.