31DC: Day 12

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Something I Am Afraid Of

Well there are a couple of things.  And not tangible objects, like spiders or snakes (although I'm not really a fan of either of those)  The big thing I'm afraid of is failure.  I don't want to live my life and not accomplish anything.  And right now I'm feeling dangerously close to that.  When I'm old and on my deathbed, I want to be able to look back on my life and feel as though I've made a difference somewhere, for someone.  Right now, I haven't.  This also translates into everyday stuff.  When I start something I want to be able to finish it.  Once of the reasons that I sometimes get so frustrated with my lack of progress in my riding.  I feel as though I'm failing by not moving forward.

Somewhat fitting in with that is my second fear.  Which is being alone.  Not that I mean I can't ever be by myself, but I'm afraid that I won't ever find that "one".  That I won't have someone to share my life with.  And let's be honest here.  I'm not getting any younger.  I'm going to be 29 (shudder) in less than two months.  I'm sort of running out of time if I want to get married and have kids.  I don't want to be one of those women having kids at 40 and not being able to keep up with them.  Actually right now, I'd have to say this is my biggest fear.  And I guess it's just been really highlighted lately as a lot of my (younger) friends have been getting married.   Including some that I never thought would get married.

Alright enough of that depressing stuff.